I was just talking to my sisters about how much your life changes when you become a parent. This change is something I was not ready for. In fact, I still miss my old life at times. It’s been two years since I have become a mom, and yes, I still miss my old life at times. Becoming a parent is a huge life transition, and I don’t think it is one that we prepare enough for. I know I wasn’t prepared as much as I thought I was. To be honest, I miss the alone time, the free time, and the time with my husband. There are things that I just don’t get to do any more, and things that take a lot more time now. I have to plan things out more, and I have to be more picky about what I do and when I do it.
Do I love my life with my son and as a mom? Hell yes! But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss my old life some too. I still grieve my old life. That is ok. I don’t think it makes me a bad person or a bad mom. Instead being open about how I’m feeling allows me to be in tune with my feelings, and to notice what makes me miss my old life and what doesn’t. Being a mom has been an amazing journey for me. I have had an amazing time, but I have also had a very hard time. There are some days when I wish I could jump in the car last minute and go to yoga, but now it takes more planning. That is not a bad thing, but I do miss the impulsivity I used to have. Since I no longer have that impulsivity, it makes me realize how special time away is. If I’m going to plan a happy hour or a yoga class, and I have to coordinate schedules and get a babysitter to do so, you better believe I am going to be fully present and enjoy that happy hour or yoga class. Being a mom has made me realize that I need to be a little more picky about my activities, but that isn’t always a bad thing. In fact it makes those activities extra special for me. I have found that taking the time alone or with friends, has made me feel like my old self again and has given me a that sense of freedom back I used to have. This has been a big revelation in my motherhood journey because it has allowed me to be more present when I’m away and more present when I am back at home.
So yes, I do grieve the loss of my old life. The grief is less intense now, but it still pops up every now and then. I believe that it is ok to say you miss your old life. Notice it. Acknowledge it. No need to be ashamed of those feelings. It does not mean you don’t like parenthood or that you don’t like your child(ren). It means that you had a great life before and you have a great life now, but they are different lives. Different is not a bad thing. Being a parent is hard work. We are all learning as we go and each day is different. Remember to take time for yourself because you will find that time to be extra special and extra rewarding when you come home.